I Went To An Adult Party Alone To Interview Anita Crackinstuff

There is no form of appropriate means to introduce a figure of such eccentricity as Anita Crackinstuff. A brief disclosure upon our first confrontation, as it was undeniably a confrontation, is probably the most valid attempt. An early September evening, fitted with an air of indelible crispness, prompted my sole accomplice and protector from the unruly, Aidan, to adventure. Young adults, blinded by a culture shock of a not so big city, roaming alone at 9 PM, a setup for trouble if it was the 1950’s or a low budget horror film. Regardless, trouble did permit. From the depths of an unknown city sidestreet approached a figure of unusual proportions. Unusual proportions cannot be overstated. Multicolored sunglasses sported in the dark, a grandmother style bedsheet dress of sorts, noticeable red lipstick, from a distance it was nothing more than another freeloader looking to take advantage of two Bill and Ted mannered individuals. This was not the case. Upon a proper change to the opposing sidewalk that any suburban raised adolescent would attempt, the figure swiftly followed. Nervous, it only made sense to stop and throw down, if needed.

That’s how I met Anita Crackinstuff. Just as confused as I was prior, she ushered Aidan and I into what we later found out was Big Nazos official headquarters. Big Nazo, a performance group, if one had to define their operation, has a workshop space located on Washington Street in Downcity Providence. Spare PVC pipes, bottles of spray adhesive, a pet cat which may or may not have been feral, I felt at home. Not that my house has a lot of spare PVC pipes, spray adhesive bottles, or even feral cats, I mean, I live in Connecticut, every home is just identical with one another. Big Nazo art studio is unequivocally comforting. It became even more so when Jump Around by House of Pain started playing via an unseen Bluetooth speaker persuading Anita to dance. The video below I value to the fullest extent one can appreciate something, only wishing audio was apparent.

To get into more details about what Big Nazo does, besides the name obviously deriving from Italian, meaning “Big Nose,” I made way to their official site. Founded by Erminio Pinque, their official websites “About” page defines their setup as “an international performance group of visual artists, puppet performers, and masked musicians who unite to create bizarre and hilarious larger-than-life sized characters, environments, and spectacles.” They even have an official Big Nazo character subpage identifying such Big Nazo figures like Ratso, a demented sort of humanized rodent figure. Demented is kind of harsh, sorry Ratso.

Enticed by any form of zaniness, I had found the jackpot in Providence I’d been longing for. Even so, I figured this was all a short introduction, only something to be forgotten in the coming months. And it was. Yet it felt too soon for closure. So I did the only rational action one being of my age would do, I Instagram DMed Anita Crackinstuff asking for a face to face interview. She said yes, with restrictions. The exact response, “I’m inviting you to a private party at the rooftop at the G on Monday at 8 PM. You can invite anyone you want. It’s private but because you’re my friend you’re invited and I would love to see you. It’s to celebrate Aquarius”.

Getting invited to college parties is a rarity. Getting invited to adult parties, for some reason, is a commonality. I was ready. A journal purchased at Bicks to look presentable, a jacket of journalist integrity bought at Savers, the only thing missing, the credentials of an actual journalist. Even so, I set out optimistic with a set of formidable questions ready to be set loose. It wasn’t until upon entrance of G pub, the set venue space, fear interrupted. As I walked around the lobby of G pub, I was noticeably alone. Maybe my Instagram invitation was a dud? This all could be a setup for Ratso to mug me and walk off with a new Bick journal. A sign written “Party on the 6th floor”, upon the elevator, insinuated otherwise.

So here I was alone in an elevator, watching the buttons gradually increase as well as unignorable sounds of remix club tracks. I got to the 6th floor and was welcomed to the sounds of a dubstep remix of Hypnotize by the Notorious B.I.G, wonderful. And there she was, Anita Crackinstuff, at the bar having some form of a cocktail, alcoholic or not remains up for determination.

What I leave you all with is the official transcript of our interview on the 6th floor of G Pub in Providence, Rhode Island. Anita, if you are by chance reading this, continue your work of providing emotional relief for those needing it, you are a godsend.

First and last name or as some would refer to it as full name?

Anita: My first name is Anita.

Me: Do you mind exposing your middle name?

Anita: Jesus.

Me: And last name?

Anita: Crackinstuff.

Me: Let me make sure I have this right, your full name is Anita Jesus Crackinstuff?

Anita: Some would say so.

Favorite thing about donuts; The hole, the whole donut, or the donut ring?

Me: I’m sorry it’s such a hard hitting question.

Anita: Well if I donut worry about it.

Me: I see what you did, that’s a pun. Wow, puns are funny.

Is politics something foreseeable in the future?

Anita: Absolutely, as I have a very firm congressional handshake, if you know what I mean.

Me: Sure.

Are dogs a good thing? Is saying dawg spelled d-a-w-g questionable or cool?

Anita: No, dawg spelled with two g’s is unquestionable. To answer your first question, dogs are only a good thing if they’re 6ft tall with two legs.

Me: I agree

Favorite type of lettuce?

Anita: Green

Me: What makes green lettuce more admirable than red lettuce?

Anita: The way the color green tastes.

Favorite type of bean and is it applicable in any sense to bake our beans?

Anita: Well it depends on what you’ve bean.

Me: I’m not sure that even makes sense.

Anita:.....

When it comes to grapes should we be eating just skin, the flesh, or both?

Anita: Skin and flesh should be consumed at the same time, just for grapes. Skin and flesh is nice in general unless it can talk.

Me:.....